what planet am i on.

All posts in the what planet am i on. category

fun times

Published August 20, 2013 by snowhillofdoom

this is my “quiet time” during the day–i’m downstairs finishing up a few things while everyone else is upstairs brushing their teeth, getting ready for bed.

sometimes there are issues, kids fighting, procrastinating, the husband riling the kids up with rough-housing/feeding them sugary treats just before bedtime,  but i just try to block it all out.

tonite is a special night, however, one where for whatever reason it is best to consult mommy rather than that other dude that lives here.

girl: “mommy….?? mama…?? i need yur help….i did…someting…”.

girl creeps slowly out of the darkness and approaches mommy.

girl: “mommmmyyyy….???”

mommy, without looking up: “yessss…???”

girl: “wehl, ay need yur help, beecuth, wehl, beecuth i did someting, and i can’t pix it.”

mommy looks up.

uh, wtf.

there stands a very embarassed and sad small person, with 2 toothbrushes hanging from her hair, tangled up at the roots, so tight that the brush heads are together and the handles are pointed away from each other. dangling. dangling.

mommy: “um. can i. um. take a photo? or a video? please?”

mommy having very hard time trying not to laugh on the outside. tears clouding eyes. but, must, save, moment, for, daddy! daddy, must, experience!

girl: “no mommy. i don’t want u to take poh-tohs. i don’t want u to take pit-churs.”

mommy: “ok, well, why don’t you ask daddy for help?”

girl: “but i don’t wanna wake him up.”

mommy: “well i don’t think i know how to fix this so i think we’ll have to consult daddy. i bet he’ll know how to help you.”

girl: “no mommy i don’t want tell daddy. daddy’s sweeping i don’t want wake him up.”

mommy: “we need daddy’s help, let’s go upstairs.”

on our way to mommy and daddy’s bedroom, we stop by the kids’ bathroom, where big brother pretends like ‘it’s all good’ and he’s ‘just brushing his teeth minding his own bidness’. i make eye contact with him and i nod towards his lil sis. “did you help her with this?”. he says “no”. i says “so you didn’t help her with any of it?”. and he says, frantically trying to cover his ass, “well, but, i only did the spraying, but SHE did all the SPINNING.”

thank GAWD the “spraying” involved detangler, however, something was definitely lost in the execution.

we walk into the bedroom where daddy is watching tv in bed. he watches his show as i slowly approach him, saying, “daddy, we need your help. she didn’t want to wake you but i said that you would know how to fix it.” he looks at me, wondering, and i add, “but just so you know, your son only did the spraying, but SHE did ALL the SPINNING”.

and then, his beautiful daughter walks sheepishly into the room, toothbrushes dangling, and he just busts up laughing. that sets me off of course, so we are just staring at each other ‘quietly’ but furiously cracking up, our faces red, tears streaming from our eyes, and we can’t stop. i have no idea how long we were laughing but we literally couldn’t stop, our daughter is just standing there, waiting, embarassed, sad. and then she says, “nebbur myn. i pix it by myself” and walks out of the room.

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valentine’s day

Published March 19, 2013 by snowhillofdoom

so i wake up to one of my kids walking into the room asking for help buttoning up his shirt.

then he puts on one of those clip-on ties, and i tell him he looks handsome this morning.

and he says, “well, i really wanted to dress up for thanksgiving.”

then the other kid walks in.

she is wearing her easter sweatshirt, complete with bunny ears on the hood and pink tummy with bunny tail in back.

hmmmm.

i tell ’em, “y’all know it’s valentine’s day today, right?”

i get the 100 mile stare.

okee dokee, whatever, good talk.

i press snooze and go back to sleep.